It's not fair if it's not true. He just can't fight with Rachel and watch Chin through Malia's convalescence and lose Steve, too. Not when Steve was already so distant on Friday, when leaving him alone still hits as the worst possible choice to make. "Not that I want to think you're exaggerating, you know, but traditionally there has not really been any 'of course' about it, in my experience."
Because there's no of course about it. There is nothing about any of this that means Steve should choose him, and not Cath. That says Steve is willing to change everything Danny knows about him and his relationships, or lack thereof. And there is nothing in Danny's own past that even whispers that might be a possibility. Rachel left. Twice. And she'd promised a lot more than Steve's even gotten near. When he's made no promises at all, only looked helplessly, achingly happy when Danny told him it's definite possible that first night, all tangled up and naked on the couch. Only told him it's not a joke, but made stupid jokes about wedding bands when Danny told him to take a minute and consider. Re-consider.
But here he is saying it's true, with the sort of tight frustration that makes Danny think he's only barely reining himself in. Saying of course like there shouldn't be any question, like Danny's crazy for even thinking it.
He's not expecting the way something hangs, heavy and sharp, in his chest. Like it got caught on a parachute, and jerked violently back upright, sending the world into a dizzy, imperfect spin that pushes him back to earth with a sudden thudding stop.
He's serious. Steve is. He's wrong. Danny is. Wrong. The way his heart splattered all over the floor, like it slipped on a freshly mopped surface and slid into a wall, is wrong. Steve isn't lost. He's not gone. Whatever this is, that's already so deeply rooted in every inch of skin, slung to desperately by every cell of him, hasn't been taken away. He's not left alone with a voicemail and Steve not picking up at the other end, no matter how long he pleads or how frantically he begs.
The breath that rushes out feels like it deflates him entirely, like a balloon, flat and useless on Steve's lawn. Shaky and cautious. A hand lifting from where it had been hanging by his hip to scrub over his face as it tips down, away from Steve staring at him and about two seconds from carving the words into skin so Danny will believe them.
Fingers rubbing over mouth, eyes, forehead, carding back helplessly through hair, because maybe he's been an asshole and maybe he was wrong, but this catch is so unexpected that it feels like it still managed to break a few bones, even after saving him from splatting on the pavement. Relief so expansive it feels like he's drowning in it.
"Okay." Again. But different. Not like an easy agreement, like he'll pretend to believe Steve. And he's still not totally sure he does believe Steve, but he sure as hell wants to. Thinks even most of him does. "Jesus." He feels like he's been punched all over. "Okay, I believe you."
Because it's as much him being willing as it is Steve being convincing, right?
no subject
It's not fair if it's not true. He just can't fight with Rachel and watch Chin through Malia's convalescence and lose Steve, too. Not when Steve was already so distant on Friday, when leaving him alone still hits as the worst possible choice to make. "Not that I want to think you're exaggerating, you know, but traditionally there has not really been any 'of course' about it, in my experience."
Because there's no of course about it. There is nothing about any of this that means Steve should choose him, and not Cath. That says Steve is willing to change everything Danny knows about him and his relationships, or lack thereof. And there is nothing in Danny's own past that even whispers that might be a possibility. Rachel left. Twice. And she'd promised a lot more than Steve's even gotten near. When he's made no promises at all, only looked helplessly, achingly happy when Danny told him it's definite possible that first night, all tangled up and naked on the couch. Only told him it's not a joke, but made stupid jokes about wedding bands when Danny told him to take a minute and consider. Re-consider.
But here he is saying it's true, with the sort of tight frustration that makes Danny think he's only barely reining himself in. Saying of course like there shouldn't be any question, like Danny's crazy for even thinking it.
He's not expecting the way something hangs, heavy and sharp, in his chest. Like it got caught on a parachute, and jerked violently back upright, sending the world into a dizzy, imperfect spin that pushes him back to earth with a sudden thudding stop.
He's serious. Steve is. He's wrong. Danny is. Wrong. The way his heart splattered all over the floor, like it slipped on a freshly mopped surface and slid into a wall, is wrong. Steve isn't lost. He's not gone. Whatever this is, that's already so deeply rooted in every inch of skin, slung to desperately by every cell of him, hasn't been taken away. He's not left alone with a voicemail and Steve not picking up at the other end, no matter how long he pleads or how frantically he begs.
The breath that rushes out feels like it deflates him entirely, like a balloon, flat and useless on Steve's lawn. Shaky and cautious. A hand lifting from where it had been hanging by his hip to scrub over his face as it tips down, away from Steve staring at him and about two seconds from carving the words into skin so Danny will believe them.
Fingers rubbing over mouth, eyes, forehead, carding back helplessly through hair, because maybe he's been an asshole and maybe he was wrong, but this catch is so unexpected that it feels like it still managed to break a few bones, even after saving him from splatting on the pavement. Relief so expansive it feels like he's drowning in it.
"Okay." Again. But different. Not like an easy agreement, like he'll pretend to believe Steve. And he's still not totally sure he does believe Steve, but he sure as hell wants to. Thinks even most of him does. "Jesus." He feels like he's been punched all over. "Okay, I believe you."
Because it's as much him being willing as it is Steve being convincing, right?