He know's Danny's moving, it's more than half the reason he cracks his eyes open, again. To see where to and how far away. Even if it just brings him even further up short on the whole need to breathe in or out at all. Watching Danny settle. Not away, just a little more upright. Propped so he has to see Danny's face now. That cautious, worried, uncertain expression that tries to just unfoot the hell out of Steve.
Because it looks like it's waiting on him. Probably is with those words. And what does he even have?
They both know where that goes. That there aren't any good path's past the words he just used. There are capital 'R' rules for a reason. So the line don't get blurred. So you don't over or under react, and you don't jeopardize the job for unprofessional reasons. The whole reason cops recuse themselves from cases with friends or family. Because judgement is blown. Beyond recognition, beyond the ability to be objective.
"If they find out," Steve said, middle of the road, hand awkwardly settling somewhere not back in Danny's hair, against his raised shoulders. Aware it was the last thing that sounded at all good, or smart, or wise. For either of their lives. Any of their job. Cath might yell, but Cath, also, wouldn't take it any further. She wouldn't do anything about it. Wouldn't threaten him. Anger and disappointment would the highest price to bear there.
Because everything here is blown beyond objective. It's not just good clean fun. There's no understanding that they'll just get up, and shake hands, and call it good times. Walk away and just look back and say. What? That it was fun? When the words that kept coming out, the few of them their were, weren't those ones. Were as far from those as you could get
Still possible. I want to be with you.
I want you. Only you.
Could he even walk away now? Now that his mind couldn't forget. The feel of Danny's fingers, beyond his wrist or like a ward against his chest stopping him. Danny's voice, turning the two syllables of his name into something to make the ground crumble. Did they even have a choice? When it was clear. Absolutely clear, there was only one path in front of them, and it wasn't the one they were on.
When he knows all that is in this face, and those words, and the, what, fear, Danny believes he has it in himself to hate Danny. When wanting Danny -- respecting him and working with him, seeing all that he was, went through, chose to do in spite of pain or past, feeling this thing fisting all of the inside of his chest -- is something that's defined him at least half as long as Five-0. When looking at this face makes him so aware. He's breaking every rule, and that's wrong. But this doesn't feel like that. Wrong.
Wanting Danny doesn't feel wrong any more. It did for so long. Every single thought worse than desperate and dirty. But not when Danny's hand is still on him, and he's staring at him. Even without a single helpful answer for every question in Danny's words unasked. To take it might be wrong to so many people, but wanting Danny more than anything he's wanted for himself in ages longer than he can remember. That doesn't feel wrong.
The last thing he wants to do is lose any part of his life. His job, his military career. But how's he supposed to consider that if the cost is Danny?
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2013-03-01 09:03 pm (UTC)Because it looks like it's waiting on him. Probably is with those words. And what does he even have?
They both know where that goes. That there aren't any good path's past the words he just used. There are capital 'R' rules for a reason. So the line don't get blurred. So you don't over or under react, and you don't jeopardize the job for unprofessional reasons. The whole reason cops recuse themselves from cases with friends or family. Because judgement is blown. Beyond recognition, beyond the ability to be objective.
"If they find out," Steve said, middle of the road, hand awkwardly settling somewhere not back in Danny's hair, against his raised shoulders. Aware it was the last thing that sounded at all good, or smart, or wise. For either of their lives. Any of their job. Cath might yell, but Cath, also, wouldn't take it any further. She wouldn't do anything about it. Wouldn't threaten him. Anger and disappointment would the highest price to bear there.
Because everything here is blown beyond objective. It's not just good clean fun. There's no understanding that they'll just get up, and shake hands, and call it good times. Walk away and just look back and say. What? That it was fun? When the words that kept coming out, the few of them their were, weren't those ones. Were as far from those as you could get
Still possible. I want to be with you.
Could he even walk away now? Now that his mind couldn't forget. The feel of Danny's fingers, beyond his wrist or like a ward against his chest stopping him. Danny's voice, turning the two syllables of his name into something to make the ground crumble. Did they even have a choice? When it was clear. Absolutely clear, there was only one path in front of them, and it wasn't the one they were on.
When he knows all that is in this face, and those words, and the, what, fear, Danny believes he has it in himself to hate Danny. When wanting Danny -- respecting him and working with him, seeing all that he was, went through, chose to do in spite of pain or past, feeling this thing fisting all of the inside of his chest -- is something that's defined him at least half as long as Five-0. When looking at this face makes him so aware. He's breaking every rule, and that's wrong. But this doesn't feel like that. Wrong.
Wanting Danny doesn't feel wrong any more. It did for so long. Every single thought worse than desperate and dirty. But not when Danny's hand is still on him, and he's staring at him. Even without a single helpful answer for every question in Danny's words unasked. To take it might be wrong to so many people, but wanting Danny more than anything he's wanted for himself in ages longer than he can remember. That doesn't feel wrong.
The last thing he wants to do is lose any part of his life. His job, his military career. But how's he supposed to consider that if the cost is Danny?