He doesn't even not really mean it. Look. He gets that he probably should have noticed. Detective, paid to notice exactly these kind of things, and it was happening right under his nose. It's embarrassing, alright? "Okay, fine, I don't actually think that's a good idea, alright? I just thought I would point out that it is, occasionally, a hazard, and will probably show up at some point. You know, if."
Which is a sentence he doesn't want to finish, because there's no good way for it to go. If this doesn't go down in flames. If Steve doesn't change his mind.
If Danny doesn't get pulled away to Vegas.
Because that's there. It's possible. Maybe even probable. And that would shut all this down without having to tell anybody at all.
So it might never come to that, which is why it's best just to not continue with that train of thought. He hates secrets, but there are times when they need to be kept. He'd managed to keep things with Rachel under wraps even from Steve. He can do it again.
Even if he hates the idea of pretending. Like it might somehow make any of this less real, just because it isn't out in the world. Like it somehow devalues this. Which is the last damn thing he wants. When it's the only thing aside from Grace and the job keeping him sane. When it's so much to ask for, but somehow, is being given. Offered. Freely. Like someone just handing a starving man a loaf of bread and a check for thirty thousand dollars.
There's no stopping Cath knowing, now, but he's fairly sure Cath won't tell.
no subject
He doesn't even not really mean it. Look. He gets that he probably should have noticed. Detective, paid to notice exactly these kind of things, and it was happening right under his nose. It's embarrassing, alright? "Okay, fine, I don't actually think that's a good idea, alright? I just thought I would point out that it is, occasionally, a hazard, and will probably show up at some point. You know, if."
Which is a sentence he doesn't want to finish, because there's no good way for it to go. If this doesn't go down in flames. If Steve doesn't change his mind.
If Danny doesn't get pulled away to Vegas.
Because that's there. It's possible. Maybe even probable. And that would shut all this down without having to tell anybody at all.
So it might never come to that, which is why it's best just to not continue with that train of thought. He hates secrets, but there are times when they need to be kept. He'd managed to keep things with Rachel under wraps even from Steve. He can do it again.
Even if he hates the idea of pretending. Like it might somehow make any of this less real, just because it isn't out in the world. Like it somehow devalues this. Which is the last damn thing he wants. When it's the only thing aside from Grace and the job keeping him sane. When it's so much to ask for, but somehow, is being given. Offered. Freely. Like someone just handing a starving man a loaf of bread and a check for thirty thousand dollars.
There's no stopping Cath knowing, now, but he's fairly sure Cath won't tell.
At least, he hopes not.