He kind of hates the way his shoulders drop and he breathes in through his nose, intimately knowing he doesn't actually have to say anything to Danny right away. That the man will toss out his greeting, and question, and keep rolling on into something else. The way Steve feels like that voice yanks a string and all the hard lines of cement between his ribs collapsed, leaving him dropping against the wood with a silent huff.
And still holding on to his voice. Like he's fifteen somehow, and it hasn't only been two days at the most, and only, really, if he counts the hours from when Danny left work to get Grace on Friday. In any other context it hasn't even been two full days. And. He's not supposed to be thinking about that. He's supposed to be thinking about the other part. Grace. Who is the entire reason Danny sounds as light and as down as he sounds, all at once.
It's a familiar tone. It's a tone that usually lasts through a good half of Monday, if not all of it. That comes out for hours, again, if someone forgets to ask about how the weekend was until later in the week. When he becomes lighter, lights up, getting to talk about her, and, also, more distant, because it's over, and it's done. He's back to having to wait to see her, again. Until the next time she calls to even hear her voice again.
"Yeah. Sure." The words fall out, more common and heavy rote than chosen, or even thought about.
When he's half listening to himself and half wondering if he should have said no. If he should start saying no a lot more. Should start putting space between them. He has all the reasons. They are the right reasons. Even if when he's rubbing his mouth, his chin, his cheeks with long fingers and a broad palm, looking at that empty chair? They don't feel like the right ones.
Maybe he's just a selfish bastard. Maybe he just wants Danny here. Maybe he just wants Danny somewhere he can see him, before he's actually considering it. He doesn't even have to be within reach. It's not like Danny'll have much more on his mind but Grace and the weekend with her, and maybe Steve needs that, too. A reminder of what actually is important in Danny's world.
The most important thing. The one thing he could actually damage and would have no way to put right. The way Danny would have every single right to hate him if that did happened. If he lost every single chance.
"I've already got most of pack here." Because why not, shove your hand in the fire, to think about not getting burned.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-23 05:17 pm (UTC)And still holding on to his voice. Like he's fifteen somehow, and it hasn't only been two days at the most, and only, really, if he counts the hours from when Danny left work to get Grace on Friday. In any other context it hasn't even been two full days. And. He's not supposed to be thinking about that. He's supposed to be thinking about the other part. Grace. Who is the entire reason Danny sounds as light and as down as he sounds, all at once.
It's a familiar tone. It's a tone that usually lasts through a good half of Monday, if not all of it. That comes out for hours, again, if someone forgets to ask about how the weekend was until later in the week. When he becomes lighter, lights up, getting to talk about her, and, also, more distant, because it's over, and it's done. He's back to having to wait to see her, again. Until the next time she calls to even hear her voice again.
"Yeah. Sure." The words fall out, more common and heavy rote than chosen, or even thought about.
When he's half listening to himself and half wondering if he should have said no. If he should start saying no a lot more. Should start putting space between them. He has all the reasons. They are the right reasons. Even if when he's rubbing his mouth, his chin, his cheeks with long fingers and a broad palm, looking at that empty chair? They don't feel like the right ones.
Maybe he's just a selfish bastard. Maybe he just wants Danny here. Maybe he just wants Danny somewhere he can see him, before he's actually considering it. He doesn't even have to be within reach. It's not like Danny'll have much more on his mind but Grace and the weekend with her, and maybe Steve needs that, too. A reminder of what actually is important in Danny's world.
The most important thing. The one thing he could actually damage and would have no way to put right.
The way Danny would have every single right to hate him if that did happened. If he lost every single chance.
"I've already got most of pack here." Because why not, shove your hand in the fire, to think about not getting burned.