The fingers on his arm are worse than an actual burn, and he can almost hear the way his jaw snaps tight suddenly and his muscles go rigid, shivering. Half from reaction, and half from the control it takes not to send Danny shoved in other the direction instantly. When the man is in his face and trying to get in his way, and doesn't understand he's already there. Wherever the hell there is. Danny is already there. Under his feet. In his skin. Burning him alive.
Making him want to be more and better than he's ever thought he was capable of before.
"No." He spits it out, cold and a little too sharp. Surprised, defiant sharp. "It's not."
Not every single kiss. Not knowing the way his face crinkled so aggravatedly in the early dawn hours crawling into bed. Not knowing. Not trusting Danny to catch him if he lets go. Not trying to find his foot in whatever the hell this had become, that he could breathe and sleep easier because of, even when the whole house was a hell ripping apart as its seams.
"You wanna know where this goes, Danny?" There's a jerk of his arm, trying to shake Danny's hand. That makes him feel sick. Because it's shoving into his arm, up his skin, his muscles, and filling him with a kind of sharp, screaming dread. One that wants to pull away like he's on fire, and the other that is - that he can't. He can't listen to the rest. He can't. Needs to keep rolling.
"No where. Absolutely no where. It'll be never become anything else you need it to be." Danny. Danny with his cups of coffee and a real life, and can't be not serious. Well, he can't fucking give him serious either, can he? Because this can never be serious, and it can never be Real.
"And when someone finds out, because they will," It's vicious, and it even comes with a step into Danny's space, leaning in while standing too straight, too tall, like this was anything and anything worth reaming in uniform. "Because secrets always get out, then what? It'll stil be worth it? When Five-0 is under investigation, and possibly shut down? When you're out of job, and maybe Kono and Chin, with you?"
"And your case-" And Steve's tongue stumbles on that, like it's a damn brick in his throat because it is. Because he could be the one piece of debris to start an avalanche for all of them. And he's the only one with a safety net that will save him while they smolder in rubble. "Grace." God. He doesn't even want these words. "Is it still going to be worth it when every single thing you've said or proved on record is thrown out as inadmissible?"
It not a question. It's not a damn ultimatum. He just wants to, needs to walk away. Because Grace is everything. More than the job. More than the parts and sum of everything else. He knows that. He's known that since the first day he met Danny. Since the first, awkward confusing, eye-roll worthy, but utterly clear and sincere Danno loves you. She's the the pure and untainted center of Danny's universe. The one thing no one should jeopardize and everyone does.
And Steve, God help him the selfishness, does not want to ever be lumped in with Rachel and Stan that way. Or ever.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-02 03:32 am (UTC)Making him want to be more and better than he's ever thought he was capable of before.
"No." He spits it out, cold and a little too sharp. Surprised, defiant sharp. "It's not."
Not every single kiss. Not knowing the way his face crinkled so aggravatedly in the early dawn hours crawling into bed. Not knowing. Not trusting Danny to catch him if he lets go. Not trying to find his foot in whatever the hell this had become, that he could breathe and sleep easier because of, even when the whole house was a hell ripping apart as its seams.
"You wanna know where this goes, Danny?" There's a jerk of his arm, trying to shake Danny's hand. That makes him feel sick. Because it's shoving into his arm, up his skin, his muscles, and filling him with a kind of sharp, screaming dread. One that wants to pull away like he's on fire, and the other that is - that he can't. He can't listen to the rest. He can't. Needs to keep rolling.
"No where. Absolutely no where. It'll be never become anything else you need it to be." Danny. Danny with his cups of coffee and a real life, and can't be not serious. Well, he can't fucking give him serious either, can he? Because this can never be serious, and it can never be Real.
"And when someone finds out, because they will," It's vicious, and it even comes with a step into Danny's space, leaning in while standing too straight, too tall, like this was anything and anything worth reaming in uniform. "Because secrets always get out, then what? It'll stil be worth it? When Five-0 is under investigation, and possibly shut down? When you're out of job, and maybe Kono and Chin, with you?"
"And your case-" And Steve's tongue stumbles on that, like it's a damn brick in his throat because it is. Because he could be the one piece of debris to start an avalanche for all of them. And he's the only one with a safety net that will save him while they smolder in rubble. "Grace." God. He doesn't even want these words. "Is it still going to be worth it when every single thing you've said or proved on record is thrown out as inadmissible?"
It not a question. It's not a damn ultimatum. He just wants to, needs to walk away. Because Grace is everything. More than the job. More than the parts and sum of everything else. He knows that. He's known that since the first day he met Danny. Since the first, awkward confusing, eye-roll worthy, but utterly clear and sincere Danno loves you. She's the the pure and untainted center of Danny's universe. The one thing no one should jeopardize and everyone does.
And Steve, God help him the selfishness, does not want to ever be lumped in with Rachel and Stan that way. Or ever.